headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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