What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
