party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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