It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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