I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
