I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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