God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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