I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
