We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
