just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
