They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize