It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
