I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
