i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
