id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
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