On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Pants are for mortals
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize