Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just pee around me
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
