I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I need a beard to bite.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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