I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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