It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize