I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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