I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
