Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
