I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize