I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
