We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
