i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
