How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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