i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
