I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
