Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
