omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
