i jhust puked up my retainher.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
