I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
