but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
