Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
