You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
