Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
