??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize