I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
