i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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