I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he laminated a picture of his dick.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
