Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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