Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
