How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
