his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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