My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
