i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize