had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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