either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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