dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
