I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
