so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
