I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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