We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We need to get me chipped asap
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize