I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
