Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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