Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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