She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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