Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
