You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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