That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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