Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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