we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
