Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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