Screwed.edu
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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