wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
