I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
