Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
