She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
