Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
