i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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